What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
