Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
