and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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