Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
