I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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