We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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