I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
