I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
