sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
