Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
