Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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