ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
