Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
