mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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