At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
