The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
