My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
