I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
