If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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