Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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