I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hate your face
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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