if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
