I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
