Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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