So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
