Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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