Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
