Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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