It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
