How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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