Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
