Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
