The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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