TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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