Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i dont even know how to be here
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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