Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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