My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
