Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
