I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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