when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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