I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
