I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need to align my fucking chakras
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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