loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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