I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
