the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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