You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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