You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
