I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And then my night got REAL pukey
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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