Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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