We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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