dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
