I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
