I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
