make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
