i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
