he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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