Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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