OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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