Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
