I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
