I wish my penis had an off switch
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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