wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
