i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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