you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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