Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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