i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
