why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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