i was born a porn star she said
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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