Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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