I need help removing her.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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