I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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